Back when I was in my high school writing class, revision wasn’t what we would mostly just focused on. We spent the majority of our time on paragraph structure or just working on getting the format down. Digging things like paragraph format, evidence, or even blending sources smoothly was just out of the picture, or something a step-up student would have to figure out. I didn’t enjoy revising—it felt as if I was wasting my time and skimming over it while thinking about other things. All I would focus on is catching spelling issues or paragraph formatting, but this semester has changed my view completely. I’ve realized revision goes way deeper than I assumed. Throughout this year’s semester, we worked on several essays and short responses that required me to revise my work. The most recent essay I wrote was about Empathy, and it is where I really applied what I learned about revision. This is my original introduction/hook 

My hook is weak, plain, and overall unattractive, but after feedback from my peer/professor, I was able to revise it and change it into a more grabbing and exciting intro to my writing:

My new revised introduction has the importance of empathy as a deeper way, and shows that  

– Empathy is often misunderstood or undervalued (main point) 

 – The common belief of empathy is commonly misunderstood. 

 – Empathy, by allowing us to understand and share others’ feelings, can help build stronger relationships and foster a more connected community.