Throughout this semester, I’ve grown more skilled at getting stronger outside sources and incorporating them into my own voice in my essays. I’ve practiced using the Barclay paragraph structure, which helps connect to my sources before I start adding my own personal thoughts or point of few. Below is an example from my empathy essay’s rough draft. 

 I did a poor job introducing the authors and truly lost the correct format I was supposed to use. The writing before and after my sources is also weak, giving it a poor setup, and it isn’t helping the quote give more importance and a more overall impression.

In my final draft, you can see the similarities, but there is a clear difference with more context around the quotes, making it clearer and better overall. The surrounding sentences connect to it, rather than just jumping straight into the quote as my first draft does. The final paragraph does a better job of clearly explaining Paul Bloom’s main argument and how it challenges my initial thoughts. It effectively uses a direct quote to support the point about empathy limitations, which strengthens the explanation. Overall, it’s clearer, more thoughtful, and connects well to the larger discussion about empathy that is missing in my rough draft. 

Over the semester, I have improved my ability to effectively introduce a source, quote it, and then explain its purpose through implementing Barclay paragraphs. This wasn’t all new information, but I hadn’t been able to get this much of an understanding of writing in high school classrooms.